DJ's World

  My heart aches, It’s pounding so fast, I’m scared to sit up, Afraid of what I’ll see ahead, I’m confused, Like a lost soul, Who finds no way out, So I start to cry, It's all weird, Numb feelings, To not know who am I, I’m alone, that’s good, If I were me, I would feel like I’m me, But now I feel, A complete separation, from the person I’m supposed to be. ~ DJ ❤️‍🩹🥀

2021, surely a tough one for almost everyone. This year, I won, failed, cried, laughed, learned, loved and lost my best friend. Now we are strangers again but with memories. Forever is a lie, but the bond is everlasting. Yes, I do miss her everyday, but I am happier not being in a bond that turned toxic.  All my life I have lost a lot of people, and I feel turning into a heartless person who won't care about losing many others. I used to be afraid of losing people until I started realizing that they were never really supposed to be a part of my life. I am no more afraid of losing anyone when I start seeing them take my loyalty and love for granted. They say that a person who is okay being alone is a powerful person. Yeah I do have a lot of people around me but my heart is becoming like the moon, who is surrounded by many but still alone in the dark and then there is that sun that lights my heart up in the darkest hour. But still when it's in the middle of the night and at times...

At 3 AM songs turn out to be more meaningful and the lyrics hit hard. They say life is a song, sing it. There are the times in my life where the only thing I feel I have are songs which carry me away. Listening to songs at 3 AM puts me into the parallel world. Every song has an untold story.  The other day I ended my day by listening to alone pt. 2 by Alan Walker. The lyrics said,  We all need that someone Who gets you like no one else Right when you need it the most We all need a soul to rely on A shoulder to cry on A friend through the highs and the lows.  But not everyone has that someone, nobody cares or understands until you're in a hospital bed or crying inside the bathroom wanting to end it all. I hate myself so much, though everyone disagrees with this and says how pretty and amazing I am, but I am not. I feel like I ruin every relationship I get. I hate how I look, how I act, I hate how angry I get all the time, I hate all of me. I can tell my friends to be stron...

Life decisions are pretty hard to make. Unlike machines, we humans overthink every decision made by us under every different circumstance. And decisions either end up making us regret it or stay happy. Every decision ends up going ahead to a new path. Different decisions, different futures. Recently, I had made a life-changing decision, but it turned out to be one that I still don't regret!! None of them can even imagine the earth shaking decision made by me. I broke up with my Best Friend. Yeah, true that. Changes happen everywhere and toxicity takes time to kill you from inside. Mental peace is necessary for everyone, and living the teenage life with negativity around sucks!! They say never forget the ones who were always there with you when no one else was there, but one of the realities of life is that everyone forgets the old ones when they meet new ones. “I will never change” is just a phrase that does not exist in the real world. Once you realize you deserve better, letting ...

A pillow is just a cloth bag stuffed with feathers or other soft materials, used to support the head when lying or sleeping. Yes, it is a non-living object, but have you ever thought if you could be a pillow with feelings for maybe just one day ! Times are hard, lifes goes upside down, feeling alive sucks but the hardest one stays at the top, that is, to cry yourself to sleep. I cry myself to sleep. I cry for all the things I've lost, for the flashbacks that torment my thoughts. Crying isn’t something I do in front of people. I don’t like people seeing me cry. I don’t want them to think I’m weak or to know what triggers me. I do everything I can to just not to cry when I am around someone. But when I’m at home, confined between the walls of the room, I cry. I cry every single night until it’s about 4am and I can’t sleep anymore. When I cry it’s like I can finally let out all the feelings and the hurt that I hold inside me. I can express that safely on my own where no one can judge ...

31st August, 2017 the day when things changed drastically in my life. Not only did I just lose my best friend on this day, I even lost someone who I thought would be my forever. That day we had a small argument in the school and just a 'NO' to three magical words drifted us apart forever. By the time I reached home and switched on my mobile, I received a text stating "bye forever" and before I could reply to his text I was blocked everywhere, legit every social media app where we used to have a conversation, I was blocked ! Things changed from then, and then the next day at school we did not even dare to see each other. I still don't understand whether his "bye forever" meant to say that he is saying bye to someone he thought would be his forever or either he meant to end everything forever except the memories. I have no idea if he even reads my blog or not, which are mostly about him. lol ! We don't talk anymore but just because we don't talk a...